超级好书----The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
[url=http://zhenmafudan.ycool.com/post.2906309.html][color=#86aa42][b]超级好书----The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People[/b][/color][/url][url=http://www.ycool.com/space.php?uid=1015161][b][color=#86aa42]Zhenmafudan[/color][/b][/url][color=#999999] @ 2008-07-17 10:10[/color]
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[/color][/size][size=3][color=#000000]买到一本非常好的书：The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People，感到非常有启发性。这是本成功学的经典书籍，已经销售了1500万册。
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[/color][/size][size=3][color=#000000]书中讲到，人的成熟分为三个阶段：dependence----independence----interdependence，即从依赖到独立到和周围相互依存。要得到成功，需要形成或者改善7个习惯。作者安排这些习惯的顺序是按照人成熟的三阶段的，即先修自身，然后改善和别人的关系。
[/color][/size][color=#000000][size=3][color=blue]第一个习惯是Be proactive，就是积极主动，勇于承担责任。[/color]
p. 75, "Many people wait for something to happen or someone to take care of them. But people who end up with the good jobs are the proactive ones who are solutions to problems, not problems themselves, who seize the initiative to do whatever is necessary, consistent with correct principles, to get the job done."
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有很多事情麻烦我们，这些事情形成一个Circle of Concern。我们有能力对这些事情做什么，这叫做Circle of Influence。作者说，积极主动的人总是采取行动，扩大Circle of Influence，即扩大自己对事情的影响力，使对我们构成威胁的Circle of Concern的范围越来越小。p. 83, "Proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase."
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[size=3][color=#000000][color=blue]第二个习惯是Begin with the end in mind，就是首先要想到我做这些事情，是要达到什么结果，有未来的蓝图在心中。
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p. 98, "The most fundamental application of 'begin with the end in mind' is to begin today with the image, picture, or paradigm of the end of your life as your frame of reference or the criterion by which everything else is examed. Each part of your life--today's behavior, tomorrow's behavior, next week's behavior, next month's behavior--can be examed in the context of the whole, of what really matters most to you. By keeping that end clearly in mind, you can make certain that whatever you do on any particular day does not violate the criteria you have defined as supremely important, and each day of your life contributes in a meaningful way to the vision you have of your life as a whole. To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination. It means to know where you're going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction."
[size=3][color=#000000][color=blue]第三个习惯是Put first things first，就是要分清事情的轻重缓急，重要的事情先做。[/color]
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[size=3][color=#000000]事情可以分为四类：（1）紧急且重要：比如明天是申请经费计划书递交的截止日期，但是计划书还没有开始写。后天要考试了，但是还没有开始复习；（2）不紧急，但是重要：比如锻炼身体，学习科学文化知识，看The 7 Habits of Most Effective People这样的书，搞好夫妻关系；（3）紧急但不重要：比如突然通知下午开一个“退休人员茶话会”。突然电话铃响了，接起电话，发现是广告电话；（4）不紧急，也不重要。比如看电视，看广告e-mail，闲聊。
人的精力是有限的，因此首先要放弃那些不重要的事情（第3和第4象限），重点放在第2象限。如果第2象限的事情不及时完成，那么一些第2象限的事情就会演化成第1象限火烧眉毛的事情。
p. 153, "Effective people stay out of Quadrants III and IV because, urgent or not, they are not important. They also shrink Quadrant I down to size by spending more time in Quadrant II. Quadrant II is the heart of effective personal management. It deals with things that are not urgent, but are important. It deals with things like building relationships, writing a personal mission statement, long-range planning, exercising, preventive maintenance, preparation--all those things we know we need to do, but somehow seldom get around to doing, because they aren't urgent."
[color=#000000]这里面谈到作为一个领导者，平时事务繁忙，所以可以把一些事情交给下级代理。有两种代理方式：p. 173, "There are basically two kinds of delegation: 'gofer delegation' and 'stewardship delegation.' Gofer delegation means 'Go for this, go for that, do this, do that, and tell me when it's done.' Most people who are producers have a gofer delegation paradigm. Stewardship delegation is focused on results instead of methods. It gives people a choice of method and makes them responsible for results. It takes more time in the beginning, but it's time well invested."作者的意思说，前面一种代理方式不好，而后面一种方式很好。[/color]
[color=blue]前面三个习惯都是个人修身的。讲完前面三个习惯后，作者开始讲涉及公共关系的其它习惯。在讲这些习惯之前，作者展开公共关系的总论，非常有启发。[/color]
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作者说，人于人之间的关系和互相信任，就象在“感情银行”开的一个账号一样。做了好事情，等于在这个帐号里面存钱；做了坏事情，等于在这个帐号里面取钱。好事情包括：（1）真正理解对方；（2）关心小事情；（3）信守承诺；（4）说清楚期望值；（5）表现出个人的诚实和正直；（6）当你做了坏事情的时候要诚恳地道歉。这些话非常有启发！下面我举一些例子。
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[color=#000000][color=#ff0000]p. 192, "Attending to the little things. The little kindnesses and courtesues are so important. Small discourtesies, like unkindnesses, little forms of disrespect make large withdrawals. In relationship, the little things are the big things. People are very tender, very sensitive inside. I don't believe age or experience makes much difference. Inside, even within the most toughened and calloused exteriors, are the tender feelings and emotions of the heart."[/color]这些话的意思就是要体贴地照顾别人的心理。好比说在与人合作中，A把自己的未发表的样品和实验数据毫无保留地提供给合作者，结果合作者仓促地做了几个实验说要发表文章了，虽然A的名字也在上面，但是A的原创性却被别人文章吸收了。和别人交涉后，别人说他是通讯联系人，想怎么发就怎么发；A只是“提供”了样品，仿佛给A加名字都是施舍似的。这种情况就和书里说的情况类似：不照顾A的感受。再比如B在办公室里面，部门经理每次到办公室里来，都要眼睛盯着B的电脑屏幕和桌上的东西看。虽然说电脑和桌子都是公家的，部门经理也没有采取什么不利B的行动，但是在现代社会里，这种行为礼貌吗？
[/color]p. 193, "Keeping Commitments. Keeping a commitment or a promise is a major deposit; breaking one is a major withdrawal. In fact, there's probably not a more massive withdrawal than to make a promise that's important to someone and then not to come through. The next time a promise is made, they won't believe it. People tend to build their hopes around promises, particularly promises about their basic livelihiid. I've tried to adopt a philosophy as a parent never to make a promise I don't keep. I therefore try to make them very carefully, very sparingly, and to be aware of as many variables and contingencies as possible so that something doesn't suddenly come up to keep me from fulfilling it." 这些话非常有启发，和中国“狼来了”的故事类似。西方电影（如The Pursuit of Happyness）里面也有父亲答应儿子买玩具，却没钱买的情况。
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p. 194, "Clarifying Expectations. The cause of almost all relationship difficulties is rooted in conflicting or ambiguous expectations around roles and goals. Whether we are dealing with the question of who does what at work, how you communicate with your daughter when you tell her to clean her rooms, or who feeds the fish and take out the garbage, we can be certain that unclear expectations will lead to misunderstanding, disappointment, and withdrawals of trust. That's why it's so important whenever you come into a new situation to get all the expectations out on the table. People will judge each other through those expectations. And if they feel like their basic expectations have been violated, the reserve of trust is diminished. We create many negative situations by simply assuming that our expectations are self-evident and that they are clearly understood and shared by other people. The deposit is to make the expectations clear and explicit in the beginning. This takes a real investment of time and effort up front, but it saves great amounts of time and effort down the road. When expectations are not clear and shared, people begin to become emotionally invoved and simple misunderstandings become compounded, turning into personality clashes and communication breakdowns."[color=#000000]作者的这些话是非常宽泛的，适用于婚姻、职业、教育子女，我看在科研合作中也是这样。老板们总是广开合作门路，到处拿样品或者到处提供样品，“做做看”，却不说清楚相互的expectations：是做着玩玩的呢，还是要出文章的？如果出文章，谁写文章，以哪一方为主？什么时候写文章？如果承诺写文章的人到时候不写文章怎么办？如果替别人测试了大量样品，结果一个数据也用不上，那么名字还有吗？如果事先不说清楚，只会造成困扰。[/color]
[/color][size=3][color=#000000][color=blue]第四个习惯是Think Win/Win，就是要创造双赢局面。
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p. 207, "Win/Win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win/Win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial, mutually satisfying. With a Win/Win solution, all parties feel good about the decision and feel committed to the action plan. Win/Win sees life as a cooperactive, not a competitive arena. Win/Win is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person's success is not schieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others."
p. 221. "The trust, the Emotional Bank Account, is the essence of Win/Win. Without trust, the best we can do is compromise; without trust, we lack the credibility for open, mutual learning and communication and real creativity. But id our Emotional Bank Account is high, credibility is no longer an issue. Enough deposits have been made so that you know and I know that we deeply respect each other. We're focused on the issues, not on personalities or positions. Because we trust each otgher, we're open. We put our cards on the table. Even though we see things differently, I know that you're willing to listen with respect. We're both committed to try to understand each other's point of view deeply and to work together."
[size=3][color=#000000][color=blue]第五个习惯是Seek first to understand, then to be understood，就是首先要倾听，领会别人的意思，然后才推销自己的意思。[/color]
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[/color][/size][size=3][color=#000000]p. 239, "'Seek first to understand' involves a very deep shift in paradigm. We typically seek first to be understood. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They're either speaking or preparing to speak. They're filtering everything through their own paradigms, reading their autobiography into other people's lives."
[color=#ff0000]p. 244, "An effective sales person first seeks to understand the needs, the concerns, the situation of the customer. The amateur salesman sells products; the professional sells solutions to needs and problems. It's a totally different approach."[/color]联系到写文章和做报告，一个新的观念就是首先要知道读者和听众需要什么，然后才组织材料、顺序和表现方式。
[size=3][color=#000000][color=blue]第六个习惯是Synergize，意思是具有创造性地合作，得到1+1 > 2的最佳效果。[/color]
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这里面有幅图，说和人沟通交往，有三种情况：（１）配合度小，信任度小，那么就产生防卫行为。好比说平时我知道你总是找我的茬，现在我在做报告，哪怕你正常地提出学术问题，我也以为你是找茬，于是采取防卫行为进行回答问题。（２）配合度中等，信任度中等，那么彼此互相尊重，互相退让，结果达到了1+1 = 1.5的结果。（３）配合度高，信任度高，那么达到了协同作用，创造了双赢局面，1+1 = 8, 16, 甚至1600。
[size=3][color=#000000][color=blue]第七个习惯是Sharpen the saw，意思是砍柴不误磨刀功，要在身体、社会和情感、内心、精神这四个方面充实自己。不断地做事情，想问题，从中得到启发（见下图）。[/color]
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[color=blue]以上小结了书中所说的7个习惯。事实上书里还零零碎碎地说了其它一些要点。我在这里摘录并加上自己的感想。[/color]
p. 15. 作者引用了一个“事业成功”人的话，来说出一些现代人典型的困境："I've set and met my career goals and I'm having tremendous professional success. But it's cost me my personal and family life. I don't know my wife and children any more. I'm not even sure I know myself and what's really important to me. I've had to ask myself--is it worth it?"我的分析：这段话说明了一种异化理论。心情工作的本来目的是使生活更幸福，但是有的人钻到钱眼里去了，把自己的健康和家庭也赔上了。科研的本来目的是探索科学真理，但是有的人钻到文章眼里去了，只要有名字挂，就高兴。作者在p. 31说到："Many people experience a similar fundamental shift in thinking when they face a life-threatening crisis and suddenly see their priorities in a different light, or when they suddenly step into a new role, such as that of husband and wife, parent or grandparent, manager or leader."说的是，如此简单的人生道理（异化理论），有些人一定要经历了生与死的边缘才能知道。正好比电影《[url=http://fifid.com/search/%E8%BE%9B%E5%BE%B7%E5%8B%92%E5%90%8D%E5%8D%95?src=yb_qsal&utm_source=yb_qsal&utm_medium=link][b][color=#86aa42]辛德勒名单[/color][/b][/url]》中，有钱的人临死前非常难受，他想我有这么多财宝有什么用？本来我这个戒指可以救十个人，那个财宝可以救五个人的。
p. 15. 作者引用了一个小企业主的困惑："I've taken course after course on effective management training. I expect a lot out of my employees and I work hard to be friendly toward them and to treat them right. But I don't feel any loyalty from them. I think if I were home sick for a day, they'd spend most of their time gabbing at the water fountain. Why can't I train them to be independent and responsible--or find employees who can?" p. 19, 作者讲了他教育儿子的故事。一开始儿子学习并不好，作者和妻子都想尽办法帮助儿子，却没有用。后来经过学习，发现作者自己的视角有问题：作者是在评判儿子，把儿子和别人比。出发点是儿子比别人不行，得把儿子塑造成自己想塑造的人，得保护儿子，于是损伤了儿子的自尊和自我价值。后来减少了对儿子的操纵，最后儿子各方面提高很快。作者的教训是, [color=#ff0000]p. 21, "If I try to use human influence strategies and tactics of how to get other people to do what I want, to work better, to be more motivated, to like me and each other--while my character is fundamentally flawed, marked by duplicity and insincerity--then, in the long run, I cannot be successful. My duplicity will breed distrust, and everything I do--even using so-called good human relations techniques--will be perceived as manipulative. It simply makes no difference how good the rhetoric is or even how good the intentions are; if there is little or no trust, there is no foundation for permanent success."[/color][color=#000000]这些话非常有教育意义！联想到有的老板到外国出差，都叫下属挂在网上，以便他打网上电话询问科研结果，而每次打电话都喜欢关心有没有可能出文章，什么时候出文章，给人不信任别人的感觉。没有了信任，能做好事情吗？
p. 49, 作者讲了人的成熟过程：依赖－－独立－－相互依存。[color=#ff0000]"[/color][color=#ff0000]Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can get what they want through their own effort. Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest success. If I were physically dependent--paralyzed or disabled or limited in some physical way--I would need you to help me. If I were emotionally dependent, my sense of worth and security would come from your opinion of me. If you didn't like me, it could be devastating. If I were intellectually dependent, I would count on you to do my thinking for me, to think through the issues and problems of my life."[/color]在本书另外的地方，作者有更绝妙的言论：[color=#ff0000]p. 71, "Reactive people are often affected by their physical environment. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn't, it affects their attitude and their performance. Proactive people can carry their own weather with them. Whether it rains or shines makes no difference to them. They are value driven; and if their value is to produce good quality work, it isn't a function of whether the weather is conductive to it or not. Reactive people are also affected by their social environment, by the 'social weather'. When people treat them well, they feel well; when people don't, they become defensive or protective. Reactive people build their emotional lives around the bahavior of others, empowering the weaknesses of other people to control them."[/color]这些话非常有启发。看来人无完人。我以前读中学的时候很有自信的，后来出国读博士和博士后以后自信心被消磨了，self-doubts增加了。self-doubts就是如上面作者所说的，需要老板说:"Good Job! You really make a difference! I appreciate that!" 现在的我，活得很累，不但要安慰自己我的劳动有用的，而且要安慰老板：“实验在进行的，文章在写的，数据有用的。”看来应该提升自己的自我价值，不管老板怎么说， 不去理会，只要自己认为自己有用就行了。[/color][/color][/size]
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[[i] 本帖最后由 zhenma 于 2008-7-17 06:10 编辑 [/i]] 不错
顶一个
！！ 看来lz很受启发，呵呵呵，粘贴下来慢慢体会。。。
不过养成那样的习惯好难，并且坚持下来更难哦。。。
楼主成功后要交流经验哦~~~
回复 3# qingjiaokong 的帖子
前面三个习惯我本来就有了，后面4个习惯薄弱些。 非常不错回复 1# zhenma 的帖子
感谢分享,受益. 革命尚未成功，同志仍需努力。一起！革新！:hug: 感谢分享 thx for sharing ! 收益匪浅啊! 很好！很好！
搂住不错啊！ 体会体会
RE
8页总结：[url]http://www.uwseba.org/_docs/2007/7%20Habits%20of%20Highly%20Effective%20People.pdf[/url]
172页书：
[url]http://fauzanibrahim.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/7-habits-effective-people.pdf[/url] 感谢分享 学学 很不错 看来lz很受启发，呵呵呵，粘贴下来慢慢体会
回复 1# zhenma 的帖子
多谢分享，受教了。 看看去，谢谢zhenma推荐了 不错顶一下!!!
[color=red][fbox=Random Bonus]Congratulations to ccgydx, who obtained 1 token(s) from the system by replying to this thread.[/fbox][/color]
感谢分享:handshake 不错，适合大二的学生看