Robert Anthony博士于1979年出版的The Ultimate Secrets of Total Self-Confidence的确是一本震撼宇宙的经典好书，卖出100万本。我读了这本书多次，发现出版30年后，这本书还是没有过时。这本书，语言优美，对人性的分析深刻、一针见血，读起来非常畅快。
p. 20. 讲了一个现象：有的人（比如本人）需要干活能让老板看得见的，需要老板经常拍着他的肩说：你的确带动了我们组，我们组没有你不行的。老板说了好话，这样的人当天就心情愉快了；要是没有说好话或者说了不中听的话，这样的人心里就很愤怒。这里作者的意思是说：每个人为自己的行为和前途负责，不需要通过别人的说好话来证实自身的价值。自身有价值自己应该知道，有价值就是有价值。"Conformity is one of the greatest psychological evils of humankind. The person caught in this destructive habit rarely reaches his or her goals. He wants to be a great person, be independent, and do important things. But he can't. His primary motivation to always seek approval prevents him. The conformist is filled with the need for approval. He can never get enough. He runs from one person to another seeking compliments and endorsements for his bahavior and actions. As a child, he turned to parents and teachers; when he started to work, he turned to his boss and fellow workers; in marriage, he turns to his mate. He must always have someone around to pat him on the head and tell him he is doing a good job. This bolsters his poor self-esteem. By constantly seeking approval, he escapes from the responsibility of creating his own success and happiness and becomes totally dependent on others for his well being. Indeed, he is their psychological slave--a person who can no longer imagine what life would be like if he approached it in a self-reliant manner."
p. 21. 讲了自己把自己和别人比较的坏处。在国内时，从小就被老师煽动起比较的情绪。比如那些老师鼓励学生上进，总是说你们看某某某学习多用功，某某某多有出息。即使现在是博士后，老板也经常用比较法鼓励下属：你看以前的某某某同时做五摊事情，出了很多文章。我读博士的时候，妒嫉班上一个出了近30篇Nature, Science, JACS, Angew Chemie, Accounts of Chemical Research...的牛人同学，潜意识里感到只有我才能成为佼佼者。但是，现在读了书以后，发现把自己和别人比较是抹杀自信心的。"Comparison is a sign of poor self-esteem. The persons who compares himself to others lives in a state of fair. He fears those he imagines are above him. Believing them to be superior, he feels he can never achieve their level of competence. He fears those he imagines are below him because they seem to be catching up. If he is working around him to see who is looming as a threat. As he rises to greater heights, the greater is his fear of falling."
p. 23. 作者说自己依靠自己、有自信性的人犯不着和别人比较、竞争，自己好就是自己好。"The self-reliant individual does not feel the need to compete. He does not need to look and see what others are doing or be 'better than' the next person. Recognizing his capabilities for what they are, he strives for excellence in his own life. The only competition is with himself to achieve greater personal growth and excellence in what he desires to accomplish."
p. 50. 作者讲了一个道理：人可以做自己想做的任何事情，没有任何人能够阻挡他。只是人要为他自己的选择负责，甚至付出代价而以。联想到读博士的时候，有一次做了一场小组报告：Fancu Stuff versus Solid Science: To be or Not to be！事后一个听报告的老师对我说，最好不要批判别人吸引眼球的两页快报，因为被批判的人不在场，这对别人不公平。而我的博导对我说，我可以做任何我想做的事情，觉得对就别管别人怎么说，只是为自己的选择负责而以。书上云："You have the right and option to choose anything you want to do--anything at all. No one else can choose for you. The Creater has given you free will to do anything you wish within the limits of your intellectual and physical capabilities. You will never be free until you learn to be true to yourself and accept full responsibility for your own life and the fulfillment of your needs. But, in doing so, you must also accept full responsibility for every thought, word, deed, and decision, for inevitably you will have to pay the price for each. To use an old adage: If you want to dance, you must be prepared to pay the fiddler. You will learn and grow according to the nature and consequences of your actions."
p. 57. 作者讲了一个道理：从小，父母和老师都会利用小孩的愧疚心理来约束学生。当小孩听话时，父母和老师说他是好小孩；当小孩不听话时，父母和老师说他是坏小孩。为了避免被定义为坏小孩，孩子只能乖乖听话。反过来，小孩也利用这种愧疚感游戏来操纵大人。比如小孩想买玩具，就对父母说别人小朋友的父母对小朋友很好的，给他们买玩具的。言外之意是说：如果你不给我买玩具，你不是称职的家长。长大以后，很多人利用这种别人愧疚心理来牵着别人鼻子走。比如去商店买衣服，营业员热情招呼你，到时候你不想买衣服都不行；恋爱中，有的女生说：“别人的男朋友给她买项链的，而我却没有。”在买卖文物中，买主对文物摊贩说：“你的文物是假的，有裂缝的。”在讨价还价合作的文章中，有的通讯联系人不想让某作者有说话的权利，就说：“你有什么智力贡献？你只不过提供了一个样品。我到超市买个样品我也要给超市加名字吗？”言外之意是说给他加名字都是额外开恩了，因为该作者就不能说话了。这本书说："Guilt is the master tool of the manipulator. All a person has to do is to make us feel guilty and we feel controlled to get back into good graces as soon as possible. Most people can be manipulated into just about anything if they can be made to feel guilty enough."
p. 70. 作者讲了爱情的真谛。在恋爱中，有种异化理论，我也曾经遇到过。就是说当追求有的人的时候，发现自己变着法子地来改变自己以适应别人的口味，结果当然是很痛苦。作者写道："Love is the desire to support a person in being all that hey can be. It's helping the other person to grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Most of all, love is allowing another person the complete freedom to be himself or herself and accepting that person wothout trying to change them. To love means to love. Period! It doesn't imply conditions such as 'I love you if...,' 'I will love you as long as...,' or 'I will love you when...' Love that implies conditions is nothing more than emotional blackmail."
以上我介绍了安东尼博士的老书The Ultimate Secrets of Total Self-Confidence。本书可从rapid share免费下载：http://rapidshare.com/files/107293531/ultimate_secrets_of_total_self_confidence.rar
事实上，读了安东尼博士的这本书后，我被深深打动。我还读了他的其它的书。感想是有的人是哲人、思想家，他们的思想比一般人更加深奥，能揭示宇宙万物的真理。以前文汇报经常有伊人、莫小米的美文，后来又读到刘庸写的个别书，现在感到安东尼博士的50 Ideas That Can Change Your Life也是一本这里散文集，50篇小文章揭示了人类生活的哲理。
以下给大家推荐这本书里面的一篇小文章：Who is holding you back?人们常对所谓牛人顶礼膜拜，其实你也能做到！人只是用了10%的潜能，还有90%的潜能没有开发出来。很多人都说我文章出得多，其实人的潜力远远不止这些。聚沙可以成塔。
Who Is Holding You Back?
by Dr. Robert Anthony
http://ManifestingSecrets.com
When you were younger did you have great dreams, great ambitions to write or to paint, to start a business, or to do some other creative work? Most of us did. In fact, if we are completely honest with ourselves, most of us still cherish these ambitions this very day, but we excuse ourselves on the basis of other commitments. I have my job to do. I would love to write a novel, but I have to do my work. I would love to paint, but I have a defect in one of my eyes or some other completely fatuous excuse we develop for not fulfilling our desires.
Think for a moment about Caesar. Did you know that Caesar wrote his commentaries in his tent at night while all the rest of the Roman army was asleep and then got up the next day and went to battle? Did you know that Handel wrote his best music after his doctors told him he was going to die; that Beethoven wrote music after he was totally deaf? Have you ever thought that three of the great epic poets or our world Homer, Milton, Dante, were all, blind.
Think of Hannibal and Lord Nelson; great generals that they were, each had one eye. Francis Joseph Campbell, a blind man, became a distinguished mathematician and musician. Do you find yourself bound around in some way and feel, “Oh no, not with my limitations. I’ll never be able to do what I want to do.”
Think again about the author of Robinson Crusoe, Daniel DeFoe; he wrote that novel while he was in prison. John Bunyon wrote Pilgrims’ Progress while he was in jail. Luther translated the bible while he was in jail. Luther translated the Bible while he was in the castle of Wartburg. Dante worked for twenty years while he was under exile and under the sentence of death. Don Quixote was written by Cervantes while he was in the Madrid jail. And then perhaps you say, “This is fine, but I have my job to do.”
Well, my friend, I have news for you!
Have you ever looked at the thickness of the book Gone With The Wind? Margaret Mitchell wrote Gone With The Wind while she was working full time at a newspaper. Do you think of yourself as physically handicapped? Did you know that Lord Cavanaugh, who was a member of Parliament, had neither arms nor legs, yet managed to put himself into Parliament by his own endeavors.
Just think of Shakespeare, who learned little more than reading and writing at school, but by self-teaching, made himself the master among literary men.
Think again about the treasured ambitions locked up in your soul. Look again at the excuse, which you have used to prevent yourself from fulfilling your dreams. See if for the false thing that it really is. Cast it aside and resolve to express your creative desire through your own creative activity. Remember, you are the only person who can hold you back.
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感谢楼主的分享！